May 2015 Fandom

How Star Wars *Could* Have Ended

A wise man once said, “In my experience there is no such thing as luck.” You got that right, Obi-Wan. Someone must have been orchestrating the events of Star Wars in order for things to line up the way they did. If even one of the following things had happened, the rebellion would have been doomed.

Star Wars Quotes That Would Have Saved The Empire // funny pictures - funny photos - funny images - funny pics - funny quotes - #lol #humor #funnypictures

On second thought, maybe everyone in the Empire is just stupid. Either way, Luke and Co. have a lot to be grateful for.


May 2015 Fandom

A Question to the Expanded Universe

Like I’ve said before, I have yet to read any of the Star Wars novels–except a few of the young adult ones a loooong time ago. This is not because I have anything against them, but simply because there are ten bazillion of them, and I’m sure they’re not all good, and I don’t want to waste my time wading through trash to find a decent book. So I’ve got a question for my more knowledgeable readers:

Which Star Wars books should I read? Which are the most exciting, best written, and closest to the spirit of the movies?

Whoever answers first gets a prize! Just kidding, I don’t have anything to give away. But you will get my gratitude and affection, and I’ll be sure to mention you when I later review the book. 🙂 So, suggestions?


May 2015 Fandom

Revenge of the Fashion Designers

I was wracking my brain to think of something positive to say about the prequel trilogy–I mean it IS technically Star Wars canon, so I guess it deserves some mention this month–and I think I finally found something.

Padme Amidala’s outfits are spectacular.

The royal makeup, too. It’s so unique and interesting.

I mean, she’s like Queen Elizabeth I in SPACE!

She even looks good when she’s “undercover”…

…or dead. Ophelia in space!

Now with all those fabulous dresses, you’d think she’d be a mildly interesting character, wouldn’t you? Ah, well. At least her hair had personality.


May 2015 Fandom

The Force Awakens…Again

Okay readers, it’s time to talk about Star Wars Episode VII. 

This is the one movie I’m really looking forward to this year, now that I’ve seen Age of Ultron (twice). I was apprehensive when I first heard that Disney had bought Star Wars and they’d be making more movies…but then I realized that there was really nothing to worry about. After all, we already know two things about this movie (and its inevitable sequels):

1) It will not live up to the standards set by the original Star Wars trilogy.

2) It will be much, much better than the prequel trilogy.

Obviously, there’s no way for a 21st-century sequel to single-handedly revolutionize the sci-fi genre the way Star Wars did, or even to be as exciting and wonder-filled a story. After all, even Harrison Ford is starting to show his age. But on the other hand, the new movie would have to be a colossal failure to even approach the level of badness that the George Lucas-run prequels gave us. My most vivid memory from those movies is watching a “romantic” scene between Anakin and Padme near the beginning of Revenge of the Sith and thinking “I could write a better love scene than this.” I was thirteen at the time, and I really think I could have. Those movies had no soul.

At least, with The Force Awakens, it looks like the film-makers will be using some real props as opposed to bad CGI, they’ve cast at least three excellent actors, and the script will not be written by George Lucas. So it will automatically be better than any Star Wars movie made in my lifetime. But there are even more reasons to get excited. Let’s break it down by what we know so far:

The Title

“The Force Awakens” seemed like a pretty generic-sounding title to me at first, but now that we’ve seen the trailers and it’s been confirmed that the movie takes place several decades after Return of the Jedi, the word choice sounds quite promising. I’ve always wondered about the fate of the Jedi Order after the original trilogy. Like, sure, they’re free to do their thing now that the Empire is gone, but it seems Luke and Leia are the only Force-sensitive people left in the galaxy. And what exactly do Jedi do in times of peace, anyway? Given the title and the few glimpses of lightsaber wielding in the trailers, it seems likely that this movie will focus on a whole new generation of Jedi–some of whom will probably be Luke and Leia’s kids. Yay!

The Power Trio

Yes, it definitely appears that Han and Luke, at least, will have significant roles in the new movie. Carrie Fischer has been cast as well, though we haven’t seen her in the trailers yet. And may I say that today’s Mark Hamill looks %1000 better with a beard? I was worried Luke would look too much like a creepy uncle in the movie, but it seems my fears were in vain. Anyway, this means we finally get to find out what they all got up to after toppling the Empire. I’d especially like to know if Leia became a Jedi. And, of course, I’m just excited to see Han and Chewie onscreen again. Admit it – you got chills when they showed up at the end of the latest trailer. EVERYONE did.

The Director

There are many who will disagree, but I’m glad J.J. Abrams is directing this movie. Yes, I know, the die-hard Trekkies hated his Star Trek movies, but face it: at least he has a track record of successfully rebooting a popular sci-fi franchise in a way that appealed to mainstream audiences as much as the cult fanbase. And, judging by his other movies and TV shows, the guy actually wants to be Steven Spielberg. Choosing him to be in charge of the new Star Wars makes all kinds of sense. And I, for one, liked the new Star Trek movies. Who cares about a few gratuitous lens flares or a laser crossguard, as long as the story is fun?

The Stormtroopers

I’m also pretty excited about the new characters being introduced in this movie–the guy in the Stormtrooper suit especially. One of my pet peeves about the old Star Wars movies (and lots of other action-based films, for that matter) is that the Stormtroopers are never treated like people–just faceless “bad guys” who exist to be blown away by the good guys. What do they look like under those helmets? Do they have families? Did they sign up for this job? Nobody ever thinks to ask. So I really hope this new guy is an actual former Stormtrooper who will answer some of those questions.

Even with two trailers out and just six months left to wait, there are still a lot of unanswered questions about the future of Star Wars. All I know is, I can’t wait for Christmas!

Now excuse me while I watch the latest teaser a thousand more times.


May 2015 Fandom

Her Worshipfulness

One of the up-sides to Disney’s acquisition of Star Wars is that it’s much easier now for me to decide on my favourite Disney princess. Princess Leia wins, hands down.

I’ve always felt a special connection to Leia. We’re the same height, for one thing, and it’s always nice to see that someone as tiny as myself can still make herself heard. She was also the first sci-fi heroine in my life, so in my mind she sets the standard for all the others. And now she sets the standard for Disney heroines, too.

Allow me to elaborate. First, very few Disney princesses come close to being as interesting and active as Leia. At no point in the trilogy does she have a screaming/fainting fit or wait around passively for someone to rescue her. She does need to be rescued in the first movie, of course, but that’s because she was already working against the Empire when Luke was still a whiny farm boy and Han was still a scoundrel. And sometimes people who stand up to Darth Vader get kidnapped and mind-probed.

And sometimes they resist the mind-probe long enough to throw sarcastic insults at their rescuers.

But from the moment Luke walks into her life, she’s as much a part of the rebellion as any of the other heroes. In fact, she often surpasses the others. While Luke is busy angsting over his parentage and so forth, Leia’s getting stuff done. Like finding the Death Star’s weak spots, leading the Rebel armies, rescuing her boyfriend, killing a slimy crime lord, and taking down the second Death Star’s shields. She’s brave, funny, intelligent, a little annoying sometimes, and, deep down, every bit as idealistic as her brother. In short, she’s a fully-developed female character, which is a rare and wonderful thing in Hollywood.

And yet, a lot of people don’t remember her that way. Thanks to a certain stupid, unnecessary costume design in Return of the Jedi, they only remember how she looks in a bikini. Ah, fanservice, how I loathe thee.

But at least Leia ends up with the best Disney prince of them all. This is another area where I feel a connection to her, because I would have fallen for Han Solo, too. (Except it would only have taken me five minutes, not a whole movie.) Their romance is one of the best things about the Star Wars trilogy–and that’s the only time I will ever say that about an action movie romance. Leia and Han are perfect for each other–they’re both kind-hearted heroes wrapped in stubborn, arrogant jerks. And the more we get to know them as individuals, the better they are as a team. It’d be stupid not to make Leia fall in love with the only other character who can match her awesomeness.

And attractiveness.

And finally, you know how everyone talks about Disney princesses having unrealistically perfect hair? Well…Leia outdoes most of them in that area, too. And she’s not even a cartoon. She also wears several fabulous outfits (minus the slave-girl costume, of course–grrrrr).

Ladies, can YOUR hair pull off that style? Nope, because YOU don’t have the Force.

So yeah, when it comes to being a fantastic princess, Leia was ahead of the game even before she was officially competing. In fact, you know what, forget princesses. All hail the queen!


May 2015 Fandom

Star Wars Life Advice

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life so far, it’s this: there is a Star Wars quote for every occasion.

You will seldom find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.

Is he talking about Mos Eisley…or YouTube?

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

It’s the perfect comeback for anyone who thinks you can’t finish an assignment in one night, get caught up on a five-season show in a week, or read 50 books in a year. Darth Vader knows how to shut up the haters.

No! Try not! Do, or do not. There is no try.

Actually, in all seriousness, I say this to myself all the time. If you’re going to do something challenging, you better commit. There’s nothing worse than trying and then giving up halfway through because you didn’t want to actually work at it.

Anyway, Yoda is great when you want mystical guru advice, but for a good insult, one must look to Princess Leia.

Aren’t you a little short for a Storm Trooper?

Will somebody get this big walking carpet out of my way?

Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking…nerf-herder!

Han, on the other hand, is good at inspirational pep talks…as long as he’s talking to/about himself.

Never tell me the odds!

And nobody’s better at avoiding awkward conversations.

Sorry about the mess.

*blasts intercom* Boring conversation anyway.

Shut him up or shut him down!

Fly casual.

Then there’s the all-purpose:

I have a bad feeling about this.

And the universal greeting/farewell:

May the Force be with you.

And the ultimate pickup line/marriage proposal:

I love you.

I know.

Yep, you know you have a major problem if it can’t be fixed with a cup of tea and a Star Wars quote. And if you’re unfortunate enough to run across a problem that big, you can always resort to crying:

We’re doomed!


May 2015 Fandom

Fandom of the Month: Star Wars

Happy Star Wars Day, to time travellers everywhere!

Sorry–I really did mean to start this month’s fandom on May the Fourth, but you know how it is when you have three jobs and a Star Wars marathon to watch. Anyway, the merry month of May will indeed be dedicated to what, for many people, was their first fandom and their earliest introduction to the whole sci-fi genre. This franchise is such a fixture in Western culture that it’s not even all that “geeky” to own a Darth Vader t-shirt or say you’ve watched Star Wars X amount of times. It’s just kinda normal and expected, like an unhealthy obsession with football. You’re only a true Star Wars geek if you know the species and backstories of all the creatures walking by in the background, the names of all Luke Skywalker’s kids, and what exactly a “parsec” is. (It’s a unit of distance equal to 3.085677586 x 10 to the sixteenth meters–which raises all kinds of questions about the Falcon’s kessel run.)

Now, before I post anything about this fandom, I must make a disclaimer: I have not read any of the books in the Expanded Universe, except a few Jedi Apprentice novels when I was a kid, nor do I play video games (SW-related or otherwise). I did watch the prequel trilogy years ago, but I have been trying to forget about it ever since. For me, Star Wars is the original trilogy–the one my parents grew up with, starring my soulmate Han Solo, made in the days when the innocent ears of sci-fi lovers had not yet been sullied by the words “Jar Jar Binks.”

So you may say I’m not a full-on Star Wars fan, and you may be right. But I’m sure my love for the movies that first led me to look up at the night sky and imagine all the worlds that could be waiting in a “galaxy far, far away” is enough to rival that of any “true” fan.

Plus, did I mention Han is my soulmate?

This month, look for fun and games relating to the original Star Wars trilogy, its characters and worlds. Also look for speculation about the upcoming EPISODE VII (!!!) and perhaps–perhaps–a few forays beyond the core of the galaxy and into the EU. Stay tuned!